Courage & Connection Counseling
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Communication

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My office is a place of inclusion and acceptance. I not only welcome but also celebrate relationships of any kind.
Gottman Approved Member
Much of my couple work is informed by the Gottman Institute training's and research. I utilize this assessment in my couple work to help gain comprehensive assessment of your relationship


​When I have a new couple sitting on my couch and I ask them about what are some of the things they're having trouble with, or what they would like therapy to help with and the answer is almost always: COMMUNICATION. 

Couples who are having trouble connecting with one another,  or getting on the same page often realize it boils down to their communication. Is it that the pair of you aren't actually talking to each other enough, perhaps you've fallen into a pattern of being together so long you just have a rhythm and already know the thoughts or answers therefore forget to still ask the questions? Or is it the other side of things where you're both talking too much and the communication turns to fighting or being disrespectful with the words that you do use. 


 What I do in session is zero in on a lot of the more non verbal communication patterns. I teach you both to look beyond the words and understand one another, or how to ask for clarity without launching an attack.  "What is that supposed to mean" is not a helpful clarifying statement so we find other alternatives.  

Don't get me wrong, I care about the words- actually I care too much and can interrupt people to check in about the words: "Really? Jan 'Always' does this, or does this 'a lot'?". It's how I create fairness and clarity. But what I care about even more than words is how they're being delivered. Are you both tuned into your partner when the pair of you are talking? Are you open or closed off? I notice these things and reflect them in the room. 

I listen to the disagreements and sometimes we even manage to find some solutions, but mostly what I focus on in my couple work is some of the other more non-verbal things that you're both saying but not really saying. I focus on how you both either turn towards or turn away from each other in an emotional sense. Are you giving off the vibes that you care? These are the things that actually make up "communication" in relationships.  This is what I help the pair of you to do better with in sessions. ​​
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  • Home
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